Bill Simmons: The Book of Basketball

“It might be cool. I don’t know, and if it’s not, I don’t care. Bill Simmons works for ESPN. He’s also named the Sports Guy, and he writes a comical sports column. He must be a popular dude. It’s got a real dirty sound, like a rusty steak knife cutting through a well- aged steak.”

The preceding is the intro to Bill Simmons’s podcast, which I listen to far more often than I read his columns. You see, Simmons writes long columns. LONG columns. Like 7000-word columns. I call this the Modest Mouse phenomenon. If they have a maximum 72 minutes on a CD, they’ll fill all 72 minutes. Maybe there’s only 40 minutes of good music, but hey, why not? Personally, I don’t have a problem with this. They’re going to charge the same amount anyway, so why not fill it up? I think Simmons has the same idea. He’s not constrained by print inches in a newspaper. There’s no 500-word limit. He could theoretically write forever. Here, I have a problem. I just don’t read long pieces online. I will sometimes print something out and read it later, but anything beyond one screen worth tests my patience, and I’ve never felt like printing anything related to sports.

I love the podcast though. He does them from his house, has a good selection of guests, and puts out several per week. I rarely miss one. Now, he has a new book. Sure, he’s promoted it a million times on his show, but I still took the bait.

The book (no surprise) is over 700 pages. No Limits Simmons strikes again! But again, I say, why not? I can alway choose to skip a chapter, and a couple of hundred pages in, I already have.

Simmons attempts to write his own history of the NBA in as comprehensive (and simultaneously anecdotal) way as possible. He spends the prologue giving us his testimony, if you will. How he got from there to here. Simmons is a notorious Boston homer (though not in a bad way) and the Celtics are number one on his list. He tells the story of his father getting season tickets back in the 70s and how that shaped his formative years. It’s the Sports Guy origin story. This is a nice way to start the book. It reminds me of the way Harry Knowles does his movie reviews at Ain’t It Cool News: The review is placed with a larger context: the other activities that took place that same day and such. Simmons history does the same thing. We need something to explain the mania that prompts someone to write a 700-page book about the NBA.

The first chapter is also well done. He talks about “The Secret,” the thing that leads to true success in the NBA. (Turns out it’s teamwork and unselfishness.) This gives us the lens through which the entire history of the league will be viewed. He follows that up with a chapter that I skipped, comparing Chamberlain to Russell. No, it’s more than that. It’s almost thirty pages of argument for Russell over Wilt. Alright, I get it. I don’t need convincing.

Before the fireworks start, Simmons gives us another great chapter taking us from the league’s beginning in 1946 up through the year 1984. You see, that is when the modern era of basketball starts according to Simmons, so he lays out all that came before. This is point at which I’m going to stop reading for a while because I don’t want to get burnt out on this book. When I step back into the fray, I’ll expect Simmons to walk me through the glory years, replete with Bird and Magic and MJ, as well as numerous references to Boogie Nights. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to The Sports Guy

*The image of a Menudo Japanese import CD was only used because this is the kind of thing Simmons would appreciate. I’d hope that he’d also appreciate that this is my longest entry to date. It rubbed off.